Scattered Pages From the Diary of Juliet O'Hara
by me122334
Summary: Basically what the title says: pages from Juliet's diary. Scattered, because the probably won't be in order by date, more like in order of what I feel like writing. Will probably be a mixture of Juliet's thoughts about scenes that actually happened in Psych, and scenes that I make up. Yes this will be mostly Shules. (What else?) So ya. R&R. Psych not mine.
1. Meeting Shawn

Dear Diary,

Today was the first time I pulled my gun. My new partner, Carlton Lassiter, had me stationed at a diner to wait for the perp to come in. I was so nervous I didn't notice that someone had already ordered a drink where I sat down. Then a man came in and told me I'd stolen his seat. I asked if he wanted me to move, but he sat down and started talking to me. Normally I would have been happy to have a friendly conversation, he seemed like a nice guy, (maybe a little quirky and overconfident) but I had already messed up enough as a detective by not noticing the drink on the table. I couldn't have anyone distracting me when the perp walked in. I told him I couldn't talk, so he started a "one-way conversation". I had to admit, It was a little bit funny, even though his imitation of me sounded like I was in 8th grade. (Something I pointed out to him.) Then he did the most amazing thing. He imitated me saying things about my life that he couldn't possibly have known about. That I was new in town, that I had two cats, things about my family, that I was a cop, it was incredible.

After we arrested the perp, Detective Lassiter told me that that had been Shawn Spencer, a psychic who worked with the department sometimes. Psychic, that explained the whole knowing information about me thing. Carlton described him as "an asshole who made a joke out of perfectly good police work", but Shawn seemed like an okay guy to me. At least he was friendly, unlike Lassiter. I'll probably see more of him around the station. I hope so.

-Juliet O'Hara, 2006


	2. Finally a Couple

Dear Diary,

I cannot stop smiling, I am soooooo happy! Why? Shawn and I are finally, wait for iiiiit... (as Shawn would say) a couple! :) :) :) It all happened so fast first I broke up with Declan then tried to talk to Shawn but he had a girl in his room (who actually turned out to be Despereaux) so I was really upset with him then he tried to talk to me on this bridge but I told him to go away but he came back and started talking about his motorcycle and then we started kissing and tourists were taking pictures. That part was really embarrassing. One woman called me a slut! I mean so what if we hooked up after that, we've been waiting for each other for five years! Now we're finally a couple! We can go on romantic dates, and have couples friends, and go on long walks by the beach... it's not like I've never had I boyfriend before, but this is Shawn! I can't believe it, we're a couple! :) :) :) Now I've got to go, because guess who I've got a date with? Shawn!

-Juliet O'Hara, 2010


	3. Derby Diary

Dear Diary,

We had a roller derby bout today. I got in a few good hit's. Broke someone's nose (again). Then someone hit me, dislocating my shoulder and bruising a few ribs when I hit the floor hard. I'd say considering that this is the first time I've ever been injured bad enough that I had to stop playing that's pretty good. Could have been worse, I mean I've been playing on the team part-time for almost 3 years since I went under cover and never really been hurt before, so this was sort of bound to happen sometime. Shawn definitely does not agree. He's insisting on staying at my place just to make sure I'm okay. It's sweet that he's worried, but honestly I'm fine. I've never heard of anyone dying from not being able to use their arm before, but this is Shawn, he can overreact a little. I'm glad it's my left arm in the sling, otherwise my handwriting would look even worse than Shawn's. Right now he's coming back from the kitchen with sliced pineapple and ice packs.  
>Now he's trying to take my diary. Shawn can't read this, it's private! Unfortunately, I'm not able to fend him off very well at the moment.<p>

Wow, Jules, this is really interesting! Look how excited you were when we first got together! That's a lot of smiley faces. :) Oh, but this one after we arrested Yang is kind of a bum-out. And I do not overreact, am I not aloud to be concerned? Maybe you should take up a less dangerous sport. Mary Lightly enjoyed racquetball. Don't worry, it had nothing to do with his death. Wow, even one-armed, you are a feisty little doodlepumpkin trying to get this diary back. No, don't tickle me, you know I'm ticklish! That's unfair!

All's fair in love and diary wars. And if we're talking unfair, how about the fact that I'm injured? I can't believe Shawn read my diary. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go punch my boyfriend in the stomach.

-Juliet O'Hara (and Shawn Spencer), 2012


	4. Wanna be a Cop

Dear Diary,

Ewan left home today. Just writing that is making me cry. I miss him already. I'll miss him standing up for me at school. He knocked Jessica Morse, a girl in my grade, out cold once when he heard her call me a bitch. I'll even miss all the noogies.

I want to be more like Ewan when I'm older. I want to be able to stand up for myself and others. I want to do something to that makes a difference in the real world. Not joining the army like Ewan, I'm not big or strong, and violence isn't really my thing. I know this might be just a high school dream that will never really work out, but I want to be a cop.

-Juliet O'Hara, 1996


	5. It Hurts

Dear Diary,

Shawn's girlfriend, Abigail, came with him to the station today. It hurts. What hurts the most is that she seems like a great girl. In fairy tails, the prince's girlfriend is always horrid and obviously not right for him. Then the princess comes in, immediately wooing the prince, and they both live happily ever after. But Abigail seems really sweet, and Shawn seems to be really happy around her. I could actually see us being friends, except it might be a little awkward.

I just don't want to lose Shawn's friendship because of this. He means too much to me. If we can't be a couple, I still need him there for me as a close friend. Because no matter how much it hurts, I'm trying to be happy for him as a friend. Maybe we just weren't meant to be.

-Juliet O'Hara, 2009


	6. Periods Suck

Dear Diary,

I hate periods. I feel like someone has stuck I knife it my gut, and is now trying to rip out my insides. I hate cramps too. I just want to go die in a hole. Right now I am curled up on my bed, hoping the pain will go away. Maybe writing in this will distract me. Oh my God, I just remembered, I have a date with Shawn tonight! Of course he's walking in the door right now. I should probably hide this before he steals it.

Really, Jules? Under the pillow? I thought you were better than that. You didn't even bother hiding the pen! Ouch, you've got cramps? That's gotta suck. You know, Gus get's a period. Around once a month he get's all emotional and eats even more chocolate than usual. I don't know if he bleeds though, I've never asked. Hey, I thought we agreed against tickling!

I thought we agreed against stealing my diary. I really hope you were kidding about Gus having a period. And you have no idea how much it sucks. You guys have it good.

Hey, being a man has it's disadvantages. Facial hair, for example. Shaving's annoying, but having a beard is also annoying. It's a big dilemma, Jules. At least you woman don't have to make big decisions, like beards verses shaving.

No uterus, no opinion. And why are we having a conversation through my diary, when we could be just talking?

I don't know, because it's fun? You need anything, Jules? I can get some Advil.

That would be nice.

I shall return, my darling.

Wow, I don't know how Shawn does it, but I actually feel better. I mean, my stomach still hurts, but I don't quite feel like dying in a hole anymore. Seems like there's nothing more romantic than a girl with cramps and her boyfriend taking care of her.

-Juliet O'Hara (and Shawn Spencer), 2012


	7. Thanksgiving List

Dear diary,

This Thanksgiving I thought I'd make a list of things/people I am grateful for:

1. Shawn, for more reasons than I can count. If it weren't for him, I would still be in Miami. He's always there when I need someone to cheer me up. Also, he's been more honest since we got back together. Though I try, nothing I write down here can express how much I love him.

2. Carlton. We've become closer than siblings over the years. He's taught me how to be strong and independent, and many other things I will never forget.

3. Chief Vick. Though she doesn't admit it, we're actually great friends.

4. Gus and Henry. They keep Shawn in check.

5. Food, shelter, all that.

6. 80's movies. Always fun to watch with Shawn, and I like seeing things from his childhood.

7. The fact that it's raining today. While I usually don't like cold weather, California's been in a drought and we really need it.

8. The Thanksgiving diner Shawn and I are hosting tonight with all the people we're grateful for.

-Juliet O'Hara, 2013


	8. Not Fine

Dear Diary,

I know that I usually write down every experience I've had in here, but I can't write about this. If I do I'll probably break down again. All I can manage to say is that Yang came back. Actually, it was Yin, but if I get into that I'll have to explain everything. No matter what I tell Shawn or Carlton, or anyone else, I am not fine. I am so far from fine. Oh, where was Shawn when I needed him?

I don't think I'll be going back to the station for a little while. I can't work any cases right now, or it'll all come back. I just need some time away from the world.

**A/N:**

**I know, this is waaaayyyy too short. My apologies. I promise the next one will be longer. Please don't kill me, it would put such a damper in my good mood.**


	9. True Love

Dear Diary,

**A/N: Sort of a sequel to my last chapter, but not really. Some of Juliet's thoughts after 'Yang 3 in 2D'. **

It happened. Yin came back. Wow, I've been dreading this for so long, and now it's finally over. And everyone is fine. Oh, thank God we all made it out fine. In fact, I think I got the worst of the physical injuries, and that's not saying much, considering I only have a few cuts and bruises. Then again, I wasn't the one strapped to a chair with a serial killer lecturing me. That was Shawn and Gus. Oh, thank God they were alright; thank God Yang got there in time. I don't know what I would have done if they (Shawn especially) hadn't made it out of that house.

He came into the interrogation room while I was having trouble writing my statement. I don't know why I couldn't do it, but everything just came rushing back, the fight with Allison, the clock tower, everything. But then Shawn came in, he took my hand and started comforting me in his own "special" way, (aka talking about pancakes and comparing himself to an insect) and suddenly everything was okay. He promised that he would protect me, and I told him that I would protect him right back. The best thing is, we both meant every word. I don't think anyone, even Scott or Declan, could make me go from sad to happy so fast. It's times like these when I'm certain I know what true love is.

- Juliet O'Hara, 2010


	10. Derby Diary Part 2

**A/N: This is a sequel to my chapter "Derby Diary" (hence the chapter title, "Derby Diary Part 2"). It's set the morning after that chapter, where Shawn takes Juliet's diary again while she's asleep. **

Dear Juliet,

Hey Jules! Sorry, I just maybe, sorta might be reading your diary right now. My apologies, but I only got a chance to read a few entries yesterday before you snatched this away. Let's see, what do we have here... what you wrote after Scott left? That's kind of interesting...

How's your shoulder? I guess you can't answer that, considering you're asleep. Have I ever told you how adorable you look when you sleep? Well you do, even when you're hurt. Especially, actually. The whole, arm-in-a-sling thing sort of gives you a badass look. In a cute way. You know, I don't really get to watch you sleep that often, you're one of those crazy morning people who like to get up at like six a.m.. It's almost nine, that pain medication must have really knocked you out. My poor injured Jules... :( Anyways, let's see what else I can find in your diary.

You almost got sued for stalking an officer, when you were trying to make friends with her? How come I never heard about this, that's hilarious! I gotta go now, Jules, but I shall return. :)

I cannot believe this, Shawn stole my diary! Again! This is a total disrespect of my privacy! And all I did was give her a cupcake! I was trying to be friendly! Where is Shawn anyway? I hear someone in the kitchen. Oh wait, here he comes. He made me breakfast in bed? This is so sweet! Maybe I'm not that mad.

-Shawn Spencer (and Juliet O'Hara), 2012


	11. Starfish Spencer

**A/N: A pregnant Juliet is staying home due to morning sickness. Set after the finale in SF.**

Dear Diary,

I swear, pregnancy is going to be the death of me. I'm home sick for the second time this week, and when I am at work everyone treats me like a porcelain doll. I'm head detective; I should be the one telling people to stay back while I go into potentially dangerous situations, not the other way around! How long until this baby is out? Seven months? God, that feels like eternity.

It's all gonna be worth it though. Shawn and I are having a baby! Oh my God, we're gonna be parents! I mean, I've been pregnant for nearly two months, and we were trying for longer, but I'm still trying to wrap my head around the whole concept.

Ugh, I'm feeling nauseous again. I'll be in the bathroom.

Well, while Jules is busy introducing her breakfast to the toilet, I guess I'll chime in here. It's been a long time, hasn't it, Juliet's Diary? We've been busy, you know... baby making. Soon enough we're going to have a little Starfish Spencer. And yes, that is so going to be his/her name no matter what Jules says. Either that or Pineapple. And you know, I happen to be very fond of porcelain dolls.

Shawn, why are you always stealing my diary? Do you know how annoying it is? And we've been over this: our child is not going to be named Starfish. Or Pineapple. Can't we just pick a normal name?

Sweetie, all the most accomplished people of history have had original names. Lukewarm van Beethoven, Ponyboy Curtis, Lassie's great great grandfather... what's his face? Mustard?

Shawn, his name was Ludwig, not Lukewarm. And Ponyboy is a fictional character, from a fictional book.

I've heard it both ways. And Jules, you should go lay down and get some rest; you look like Gus after he ate poisoned orange chicken. I'll take good care of your diary.

Nice try. I will go back to bed, but I'm taking my diary with me. I don't trust you with this.

I love you.

Love you too. :)

- Juliet (and Shawn) Spencer, 2015


	12. Juliet Takes a Bite in the Hand

**A/N: This one is based off a prompt I saw on the Psychfic Community Forum that just made me die of laughter. Is it okay that I stole the idea? Whatever. Psych not mine.**

Dear Jules' Diary,

I know, I write in this a lot, but guess what? This time Juliet is actually asking me to write in her diary! Maybe it's because she really trusts me, or maybe it's because she can't hold a pen due to the breaking of her thumb. :( I'm gonna go with the first one. How did Jules manage to hurt herself, you ask? Well that's a very funny story.

Uh oh, now she's yelling at me. I think Juliet's grumps. She seems grumps. Apparently she was under the impression that I was going to write what she told me to write, and doesn't want that particular low point of her life documented. Sorry Jules, but this is just too funny not to document:

Once upon a time, there was a fair young dame by the name of Juliet O'Hara. On a bright Saturday morning, Juliet decided she would like to journey to the zoo. There she saw many dangerous animals. Lions and tigers and bears, oh my! Then Juliet spotted the most ferocious of them all: the one they deemed flamingo! Captivated by it's beauty and color (it is a little known fact that Jules is very fond of pink), she chose to ignore the sign reading, "thou shall not feed the flamingos." Approximately 5 hours later, the young maiden's cute little hand was in a cast.

Juliet says it's not funny, apparently the flamingo looked hungry. Little did you know that flamingos bite really, really hard, right Jules? She still doesn't think it's funny, and says she's going to erase this. That is if she could hold an eraser and this wasn't written in pen. Haha, suck it, Jules!

Seriously though, how's your thumb?

- Shawn Spencer, 2014

**A/N: Was that too OOC?**


	13. Middle School Jules

**A/N: Middle school Jules dealing with middle school troubles. Psych not mine.**

Dear Diary,

I don't get it. I don't get why everyone's so judgmental, especially of people who are just being themselves.

I overheard Amanda Renner talking about me today. She said I was an annoying little bitch who couldn't help sticking her nose into other people's business. The weird thing is I kind of thought we were friends. I mean, she's always been nice to my face, and we've even hung out a couple times. I told Ewan about it, and he said that if that's how Amanda's going to treat people, then she doesn't deserve friends like me. But if that's the case, why does she have so many? It just makes no sense. Ugh, middle school sucks.

-Juliet O'Hara, 1994


	14. Periods Suck Part 2

**A/N: Here is the sequel to my period chapter! I know already did a Shawn watches Juliet sleep thing, but they're just so fun to write. Psych not mine.**

Dear Jules,

If you're wondering why I have your diary, it's because you are catching up on some much needed rest right now, due to the fact that you're all grumps and crampy. But the good news is, now I get to look through this! Hmm... your first lead on a case, what your nephews wrote in here, time with Scott... Whoa, wait, Scott wrote you a love poem?! How come you never asked me to write you a love poem, Jules? Well, I'll take that cute little snore as, "Please write me a poem, Shawn!"

Here you go Shorty (that's what your brother calls you, right?):

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?  
>First of all, this phrase seems wrong,<br>for summer days are supposed to be long.  
>And while you can disassemble a gun,<br>From your shortness you cannot run.

How was that, Sweetheart?

Shawn, it's sweet that you wanted to write me something (although it itself wasn't that sweet), but the original poem was a sonnet. Sonnet's are 14 lines and the rhyming scheme is ABAB CDCD EE. Yours was only five lines and went A BB CC.

Well those just look like a bunch of letters to me. How did you learn all of this poetry speech anyway? BTW, how's your tummy? I called Lassie and told him you weren't feeling well and wouldn't be at work tomorrow.

You didn't have to that Shawn, I'm feeling much better. Besides, the cramps usually ease up after the first few days, depending on the month. In answer to your question, I took a poetry class in college where I learned I was no good at rhyming. Oh, and another thing about your poem: I will have you know that I am at a very average height for a woman!

Jules, if you started today, then tomorrow does count as "the first few days". You're staying home. And what do you call average height?

Would you believe me if I said 5'6"?

I would believe that that is average, but only that you were that tall if you wore those ridiculous 3 inch heels you always have on.

I am not 5'3"!

Really? I must have mistaken your height for some other blonde shorty named Juliet.

You probably did, because I'm 5'3" and a half.

-Shawn Spencer (and Juliet O'Hara), 2012.

**A/N: A big thanks to TheShulesLovinPsycho for unintentionally helping me write this chapter with all her poetry inspiration. **


	15. Fluttering and Falling

**A/N: Wow, it's been so long since I've written one of these, and even longer since I've done one that pertains to an actual episode. But I finally did! Psych not mine.**

Dear Diary,

I'm sorry I haven't written for a few days, but don't worry, I have a good excuse. I got to go undercover again! This time it was on a roller derby team, which was super fun. Honestly, it was so nice to be on skates again, and to be part of a team that actually consists of a little estrogen. (Both things I haven't done since college.)

Chief Vick didn't seem too happy about the whole thing. It was kind of strange... I mean, she's made it clear that we're not anything more than coworkers, and definitely not friends, but I swear she seemed somewhat concerned for me. I know, I know, it was probably just because it's her duty to keep officers safe, but ever since I led in planning that goodbye/congrats on being the new chief party for her, she just seems more open, closer.

Another odd relationship in my life (as I've already written about many times, I know) is with Shawn. God, it's just that when I talk to him, I get this fluttering sensation in my heart, and I feel like I'm falling. Hard. And that maybe, just maybe, things could work out and we could be together. But then I see him flirting with other girls, or making some awful, inappropriate joke, and I'm reminded that all the things that I call "moments" are probably just Shawn, the commitment phobe womanizer that he is, trying to get lucky for the night. Just like he does with every other girl in sight. Nothing more. But then, there are times like during this last case that make me think it's the contrary.

First there was the candlelight dinner. Shawn and I had made plans to talk about the case over at the Psych office, and when I walked in there it was, crab cakes and all. It was so sweet (if not romantic), that I got a lump in my throat. Unfortunately, I had to go check out a break in the case. Afterward, when the lead fell through (as Shawn had told me it would), he took the heat for it, saving me from Vick's wrath. That's not all though. After the case was over, and I was at the track to return my skates, Shawn just popped up out of nowhere, and the DJ announced a couple's skate. It was just the two of us out there, going around slowly, and eventually holding hands. The fluttering/falling sensation still hasn't stopped.

I really do want to believe that all of this is because Shawn really cares. After all, no one (except maybe Scott) has ever treated me so special. In a perfect world I would just let go, take a risk, go out with him and see where it takes us. But I'm afraid, deathly afraid that it will end as a one night stand, and after Shawn gets what he wants, he'll be on his way like it never happened. And I'm not sure my heart can handle that.

-Juliet O'Hara, 2009.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:****I know, I just keep doing Talk Derby To Me chapters. What can I say, I just love that episode. :D**


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